Archive for ‘funny’

December 6, 2013

Technology means “Magic.”

by stryson

I finally feel free to admit it… I always desperately wanted to introduce my computer classes with this Strong Bad Email:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail143.html

I was pretty sure it wasn’t appropriate to do so, and that my kids would not understand most of the humor involved, but it continues to make me laugh, years later.

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December 5, 2013

Throw-Back Thursday

by stryson

“Throw-Back Thursday” has become one of many trends floating around the internet, particularly facebook. For those of you unfamiliar with this concept, people make posts, generally ones with pictures,  that are from some time in the past and generally have nostalgic value with friends of theirs. I’ve gotten tagged in a few of these – including pictures from a dance studio I attended as a kid. I generally remain unmoved by internet fads (I swear, if one more person invites me to play Candy Crush, I’m going to quit facebook…), but I’m  into this particular one. In that spirit, here are some funny kids’ quotes that I’ve had sitting around since before I left the school.

I’m going to  attribute them to initials and the child’s age, for some added context. Enjoy.

From vocabulary homework, target words bolded:

“Some of the questions on the NJ ASK Test were incomprehensible, like  the ones that have letters plus numbers.” – GC, 14

“In the old days, smiths used anvils. Now cartoons use them.” – MG, 10

“I wonder how some surgeons deal with looking at innards all day without throwing up.” – MC, 11

“Many people used anvils back in medieval times, because their technology wasn’t exactly up-to-date, for they knew almost nothing.” – WN, 11

“Do you know, on an average day, I see one varmint in my household.” – SL, 10

… I don’t know that I want to see that house.

April 17, 2012

Welcome back from break!

by stryson

One of my students started my week off with this joke:

Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems!

This, of course, called for an instant rimshot.

January 9, 2012

Monday Mood-Lifter: Quotes

by stryson

I’ll be honest – I’m still reorganizing my room after the holidays. That said, I found a notepad today on which I’d scribbled down some funny exchanges right before winter break. They’re both from my fourth grade class.

Me: You should’ve asked for help on your homework.

Student: Who? I don’t have Homework Help.

Me: You could ask your mom.

Student: How’s she going to know?

Me: She went through fourth grade.

Student: Yeah, in the olden days.

…. later on….

Me: Can you see how silly you’re being?

Student: No, because I don’t have a mirror.

That is all. I sincerely hope you’re having a Monday that’s slightly less intensely Monday than mine has been. It’s a full moon; maybe that partially explains it.

November 30, 2011

4th grade quotes

by stryson

There are two boys in my first period class, fourth graders, who are quite funny naturally… and who have been striving to get in my quote notes often of late. (They realize I write down quotes; they certainly don’t know what I do with them, other than laugh to myself.) Here are some beauties of late.

First, boy #1 found out that he needs to not consume dairy for a month; it has something to do with allergy testing that he is receiving. He comes in that day and announces to me that his life is over, because, “If I don’t get my Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the morning, I’m nothing!

This same boy had a strange comment after I gave an example for the word etcetera, wherein I listed a whole bunch of objects I own that are orange. (Orange is my favorite color, and the kids know this.) At the end of my giant list, this boy announces, in a spooky storyteller voice, “Legend says that Mrs. Tryson’s bones are made out of orange.”

…what?

And boy #2 gave me a bit of a clever response this morning. The exchange went as follows:

Me: Have a seat.

Boy: Thanks, Mrs. Tryson! I’ll sell it for a million bucks!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: my job is not boring.

November 21, 2011

Anything to avoid homework

by stryson

Me: Take out your homework assignment pad.

Student: Quick, everybody! Act dead!

There are some days I think I should get crankier about student outbursts, but they’re just so funny.

November 20, 2011

Twins

by stryson

Last Monday, one of my fourth graders was talking about his twin sister, who goes to a different school. One of his classmates, after discovering that they were twins, asked, “So she looks exactly like you?”

“No,” replied the twin. “We’re not that kind of twins. There are two kinds of twins: vertical and the kind that look the same.”

I corrected his use of the word vertical, and he proceeded:

“Right, so there are two kinds of twins, fraternal and symmetrical.”

November 17, 2011

Computer Competition

by stryson

In one of my fifth grade classes, I have two girls that are engaging in a friendly competition. They use a typing program called Type to Learn, and they are each trying to surpass the other in levels, while still completing all the requirements. They’ve been neck-and-neck all year. I don’t mind this, because it’s wonderful to see them so motivated, no matter what the reason. They also refuse to be absent on the day they have me for class. (They have computers one time per week.) In that context, the following exchange occurred last Thursday. We’ll call one girl N and one girl L.

L: You’re never going to beat me!

N: What if you have to go to the doctor one day?

L: I won’t

N: What if I make you?

L: How?

N: I’ll get you an old man.

Me: What???

N: I’ll get L. an old man from a hospital, because maybe he’ll be sick. And then she’ll be sick. And I’ll win!

October 12, 2011

From Electricity to Smells: another funny student quote

by stryson

What a day!

After explaining the concept of turbulence to my fifth graders, one of my students told me today that she was on a plane when the wing caught fire. Suspiciously, I asked her if what she meant was that there were sparks. Of course, she said yes, and we got into a side conversation about static electricity. The girl mentioned that she has a blanket that often gets static electricity, and that it hurts when you get zapped. I agreed and noted that it hurts because you really are getting a tiny electrical zap. Of course…. it degenerated from here.

She informed me that she’s never put her finger in an electrical outlet, but her brother has. She says she told him not to and that she was screaming, “YOU’RE GONNA DIEEEEE!”

I smiled and simply said, “Your house must be very interesting.”

Her reply was, “Yeah, it’s really big…. and has many interesting…. smells.”

September 29, 2011

Unintentional Hilarity

by stryson

Last Friday, some of the kids got to go bowling while their parents stayed behind for presentations given by some of our teachers. That morning, I was informed by one of my fifth graders that her “mom is a cheap steak” because she only gave her two dollars’ spending money. I couldn’t help but smile, and she noticed her mistake and ran with it, proceeding to tell me that she was going to “cook her to a golden brown and eat her up.”