Awkward in-betweens

by stryson

I find myself in the usual headspace that I inhabit during late August: I’m starting to get excited about school again, I’m itching to start thinking about school and making plans, and I’m simultaneously completely resisting caving in to that urge, because I know that two months from now, I’ll be up to my eyeballs in it and ready for a break.

I don’t think I’m alone in this phenomenon.

This summer has been very interesting for me, though. I’ve really been observing a lot of my habits and my thought processes, thanks to the meditation classes I’ve been taking, and I’m trying to take a more balanced approach to my life. This seems to be an oddity in my field, at least judging by those I interact with often. I’ve had to explain several times this summer that, no, I’m not going into school more than a couple of times over the course of the summer. No, I’m not working. I need to be away from work sometimes so that I don’t build up resentment, and so that I can restore and refresh myself so that I can be there 100% once school does start again.

Have I been perfect with this? No, clearly not. One only has to take a look at my posting history to know I’ve spent some time on schoolwork this summer. I don’t regret that, because I think that simply the act of making myself aware of my habits is a good beginning. And, yes, there are things that must get done for work over the summer, but I’m working toward eventually mastering a balance wherein I can keep it tamed and in the perspective that I want, not an obsessive monstrosity fueled by my own guilt, anxiety, or distorted work ethic.

I’ve needed to take time for me this summer, and I have. I suspect I’ll see this pay off in my attitude and health come the school year, but that’s left to be seen.

All that said, I’m going to enjoy the heck out of my remaining freedom. Hooray summer!

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